WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
