Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
