If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
