Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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