Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
