she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
