This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
