look no pants
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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