we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
