She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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