The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
