take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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