I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
