Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
