you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
