I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
