addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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