Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
