My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
