I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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