the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
