my sisters under your porch take her home
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
