do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
