yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
