I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
