EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
