Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
