were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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