He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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