That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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