...so i touched it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
