So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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