I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
