Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
as a side note pls kill me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
