I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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