sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
