I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
