Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
