just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
