Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
