Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize