I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
