I have demons in me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
