I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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