his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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