His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
