how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
