False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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