Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
