I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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