On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
