dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
pray to the hookup gods
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
