someone threw a dead crab at me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
