I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
