my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
please come you make the beer taste better
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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