Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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