somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
