i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
