Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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