Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
