He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
