Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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