guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
