I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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