Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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