I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
