i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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