I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
