my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
