You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
