You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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