in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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