So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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