Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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