It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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