Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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