my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You ate ashes out of my bong
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
