Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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