Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
