I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
